Today I want to talk about the movement of time in a story.
Pacing is important. If you are writing a story that takes place within a short period of time, you cannot dwell on every insignificant detail. Each word and sentence has to account for something.
For example: Your character has just woken up, hung over and is sad about something that happened the night before. A common mistake is to inundate the scene with descriptions that don’t matter.
“She woke up and made her way to the kitchen.
She opened the door and went inside . She opened the cabinet but there was nothing there. She opened another cabinet and took out a coffee mug. She filled hot water in the kettle and set it on the stove. When the water stop boiling, the kettle let out a whistle.”
What exactly is happening here?
What, if anything do we learn from this description?
This scene would have been different had these actions revealed. something significant about the character or given you an insight into an incident that had happened. Or, a precursor to something about to take place.
How about we wrote it this way:
“She woke up and made her way to the kitchen, not bothering to turn the light on.
She watched the smoke rise from the kettle, then disappear. It (the kettle). wobbled slightly—like her gait— on the hob where it was permanently placed. In all these years, she had never moved it.
Nothing remains.”
Do you see the difference between the two? Can you tell something or begin to understand the character in a certain way in the second example? It is not that you cannot add details, but it important to choose the precise ones.
Mark Twain once said, “The difference between using the right word and the almost right word is the same difference between lightning and a lightning bug.”
Notice the physical space between one sentence and the next. It is deliberate.
The white space is your friend. It gives relief. Use the entire page as your canvas, just as poets do. Sometimes one single floating line, is a way to convey interiority; introspection. Unlike a synopsis which is a way of closing in, a single stray thought opens out the narrative.
Time breaks can also be done by using the asterisk ***. after a paragraph.
The Em Dash too acts as a breathing space between one word and the next. It allows for rhythm and lyricism. Do not be afraid to use punctuation to dictate to your readers how you want the sentence to be read.
Everything in moderation— the classic show don’t tell is a cliche but remember to be subtle. Remember the significance of silence. Important moments happen between these silences and white spaces. That is where time really moves.